It's an outlet for me. I used to use an instagram account, but people I knew irl found me. I just want to speak my mind to strangers.No one can find me.
Background on me is that im depressed, anxious, tramuatized and suicidal. My dad killed himself, my mom was abusive, my stepdad molested me, and my bf is toxic. The rest of my family is just as fucked up.Everyone has real mental health problems in my family and I'm a product of my enviornment.
I'm 19, I have no friends. I cant make any. Maybe I'm too standoffish,maybe I'm too weird,maybe I'm too mean. Whatever the reason, I'm alone, but I dont really mind. People are cruel. I'm in college, but I flunked out in my second semester. I'm taking a break rn.
Im in a toxic relationship for a year now. Most the time its good. We're good. And i love him. But every couple of months he breaks up with me only to regret it and take it back.Self sabotaging for him. Exhausting for me. That being said, I know things will get better. I just have to wait it out.
I'm on anti depressants for anxiety and depression. I quit therapy because I know everything thats wrong with me. There's just something wrong in my mind that the medicine helps with. I also have PMDD, Adhd and probably autism lmfao. Basically im fucked up.
Im a recovering drug addict.Lean addiction (yes, the rapper drug lol). I also used to smoke ganja and cigs. Never really liked eithier one, but my friends did. I also did pain killers for awhile. The headache and vomitting was never worth it. Used to be friends with a lot of addicts. Meth, craxk, achd, shromms. They were good people, but bad influences. Cut em all out and now im sober.
Intrests:
I do have good things in my life. Like my cats. They are my everything. I like having my cousins and neice around. Most of them are funny and really look up to me. I like gummy bears. And puzzle games. Snd sometimes we do family game night at home, and I win almost everytime. I like being able to draw. I have a drive in me to just create, in any medium, and im only satisfied once the urge has been quenched. I dont care how it looks, or technique, i just meed to do do it.Like Chaos, I stive to make. Which brings me to another postive. We have Disney+ so i watch all the history documentarys. I really like ones on anceint civilizations and war.I also have an intrest in WWIi. Specfically the fallout of the nuclear bomb. Tap dancing man haunts my dreams at night.
This is my first time since middle school using HTML. I really liked coding. I wish they hadn't axed the computer classes after Miah left. I'm not sure what i'll do with this. Consider it a digital diary.